Dear Universe,
The feelings that are taking over my mind and body are just too overwhelming. I have a random urge to write about them because for some reason my brain is telling me it will help my feelings dissipate. Forgive me for being selfish, but sharing my pain with you makes it easier for me to breathe.
So here goes… Once upon a time, there was a guy. Yes, it’s going to be one of THOSE stories, I can see you rolling your eyes already. Anyway, I don’t think I have the patience to write out the entire story because it will be too long, I have a tendency of going off topic, plus it won’t be as interesting for you as it was for me.
Once upon a time, 7 years ago, destiny decided to let 2 people meet, and one of the most magical things about the start of our relationship is that to this day we still don’t know how we met. We firstly ever spoke to one another on msn, but to this day neither of us know how we had each others’ email addresses. Crazy as it sounds, I believe God sent him to me. We would stay up, speaking late into the night about random things like dwarves, cucumbers, religion. He’d tell me funny stories about what happened at his workplace, and how the word ‘cakes’ was used as an adjective to describe something you couldn’t possibly describe. Sometimes his calls only consisted of music he played from his phone, really good music mind you, except he’d never let an entire song play from beginning to end. And at times we’d just fall asleep on the phone.
Time went by, shit happened, and he stayed by me throughout everything I did and went through. He became my best friend.
I did want him to marry me, but he said it just wouldn’t work, he didn’t ever have a proper reason to say why it wouldn’t work, he either talked me out of it, or avoided the question. After 7 years of knowing him, we decided that we needed to end our friendship. The word friendship doesn’t feel strong enough to describe the bond that we shared; we loved one another, the all-encompassing kind of love that makes you feel like you’re wearing a huge warm blanket around your shoulders that’ll protect you from whatever life throws at you.
Let me tell you more about this guy. This guy is the strongest person I know, mentally, emotionally, physically. He helped me through the most difficult of times, and trust me there were some dark times. He has the softest heart, strongest mind and the most beautiful soul. I adore him. Oh, this is going to make you roll your eyes and shake your head in disbelief, but believe it or not, he was also the most handsome man I’ve laid eyes on. I guess love really does make you blind because I must have been blind to any faults he had.
Last Tuesday night, on the 15th of April, he told me via text that ages ago he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I met him on Wednesday night and we talked about it, all the questions that had previously frustrated me were answered, and it was heart breaking. Cutting a long story long, we are currently not in contact.
I had to write that story briefly so when I now write about my feelings there is some context to go by. The story is a lot more detailed, and bear in mind that today I’m talking about the beauty because today this is how I want to view it. I feel that I am all strapped in for a rollercoaster of emotions the next couple of months, so maybe another day I’ll write about another aspect. 🙂
orangesmarties 